After answering a questionnaire grading ourselves on how well we showed mercy to different people in different situations, I felt called to pray about mercy this week in adoration. I have often felt God speak to me through 'Praying with Color' and this was no exception.
I began writing the word 'Mercy' surrounded by a heart. Through our Year of Mercy meetings and the book for the Worldwide Meeting of Families, I have been shown that love is the key to mercy. But I feel sometimes that while I show Mercy on the outside (yellow and orange lines), there is a wall on the inside preventing me from feeling Merciful to others (faint gray line inside the red heart).
I thought this was how I was being called to work on being Merciful, by showing it to others. But God spoke to me, telling me the wall works both ways. If I put up a wall, I'm not only keeping Mercy from flowing to others, I'm also keeping myself from fully receiving God's Mercy.
Surely not! I thought. I accept God's Love and Mercy. I always have. I'm not keeping Him out of my heart.
Just then someone banged on the side door to the adoration chapel, the one no one ever uses or opens. But no one came in.
I hung my head in shame, knowing it was a sign from God that He was at the door to my heart, knocking, waiting for me to open it so He could fill my heart with His Mercy. Somewhere along the way, I had let the door close. I been less merciful towards others, and in turn prevented myself from fully receiving God's Mercy.
So while I started my prayer seeking for ways to be merciful towards others, I ended it by asking God to help me receive His Mercy more fully.
Note: The brown lines are a sign of God's Mercy flowing into the heart (mirroring the orange and yellow pouring out), then spiraling around, because He was showing me His Mercy and Love is for every part of our hearts/lives, even parts we want to hide or think are not worthy. I slowly started coloring the green with a prayer that I may accept his Mercy in my heart. I have accepted it in my mind, but now it must be felt in my heart.
